Sullivan's BIRTHday, my birthday and some other stuff too

At 40 weeks and 6 days I was scheduled to be induced. Baby Sheppard 2.0 was taking their time making an entrance into this world and the doctor felt it would be best to get things moving. But at 40 weeks and 5.95 days Sullivan decided to come on his own. I began feeling contractions (which I had never really experienced before) at about 1am. Thursday morning. By 1:40 I was waking Dan to let him know and time them. By 3:00 that morning we were walking into Round Rock hospital where I had to stop inside the door to get down on my knees because I was in so much pain. The L&D staff was amazing and efficient. I had my epidural by 4:30 or so and I was already had almost 7cm by the time I got it. It helped slow things down and keep me comfortable while they called my doctor to come in early. I pushed for about an hour and Sullivan Cole was born at 8:16am. Both the doctor and Dan guessed that it was a boy. But neither one thought he'd be the size he was. 8lbs 9oz and 20.5 inches long. My big boy was finally here!!! Such a more natural and enjoyable experience than I had known childbirth to be in the past. By noon that same day my in laws and big sister Charleigh were coming to the hospital to meet the new addition. Unlike my epidural with Charleigh's labor which kept me unable to walk until almost 8 hours after it stopped I was up and walking with in two hours of having Sullivan.
Needless to say I was ready to go home by that same night. The nurses were in and out, the consultants were in and out, the paperwork people were in and out. All I wanted to do was nurse, hold and cuddle my new baby in my own home. We arrived home on Saturday around 1pm and began adjusting to being a family of 4. It's so amazing how this whole other little life comes into a home and just transforms it into this whole new place and the family into this whole new family.
6 days after bringing home our new little baby boy I turned 30!! 30!!! OMG I'm 30!! That seems so old. I remember being a senior in high school thinking that 30 seemed like a lifetime away. But yet, here I am....30 years old. Is my life where I thought it would be?? Not exactly. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and stay home with my children and when they didn't need me during the day return to a part time position that would allow me the freedom to be there for them when they did need me. So check mark on that. I had no idea I'd be living over 1200 miles away from my hometown and family. I had no idea I'd leave a 2nd family of people in Columbus after being there for 8 years. And I for sure had no intention of being in TEXAS of all places. Texas has proven to be what I had read and heard about it so far though. Friendly, laid back, welcoming....clean, green (in the save the earth sense of the word) and HOT. I'm pretty sure this is one of the hottest summers on record and being pregnant for most of it with an energetic toddler has been(was) a challenge. But I do feel very blessed. I have two amazing, adorable, loving children. They are healthy and happy and make me feel like being a mom to them will be the best thing I ever do with my life. I have a husband who has the opportunity to work from home and see and spend time with these amazing children as well. He can join us for meals and doesn't have to spend commute time in a car in traffic instead of with us. He works hard and continues to interview for better and more challenging positions. And though he would say he's only motivated by money I'd like to believe that he does it all for us....the people he loves and supports. So when all is said and done, I may not be exactly where I thought I'd be at 30 years old, but I'm in a pretty darn great place.
Now...for the "other stuff" portion. Everyone tells you that when you have your 2nd child, your heart just grows, your love doubles and you instantly love this 2nd baby just as much as you love your first. Now while I find this to be true, it still been something I've struggled with the last 10 days. I had the last 20 months to devote all my time and attention and most of my energy during the day to Charleigh. We were best buds and we did everything together. I would miss her when I was away from her for even a short time....to go get a pedicure for example. It probably sounds crazy but she just seemed like a part of me. I knew/know her so well and could anticipate her moods and needs. I still feel that way, but the last 10 days (since Sully arrived) I've had a really hard time not being the one to do everything for her. She had her grandparents here and then daddy to help her and do for her, but I just missed being physically able to lift her, hold her, carry her. She's too young to understand why these things hurt mommy right now, or how her little elbows digging into my chest make me flinch with pain at times. I feel like I can't give her the time and attention she needs right now without neglecting my duties as "mommy of newborn". As a breastfeeding mom I find that many many minutes, prolly even hours of time during the day are currently devoted to feeding Sullivan. Charleigh seems to understand that he's eating and usually only tries to kiss him during this time but I feel like I wish I could clone myself and get down on the floor or bring her up on my lap and do the things we used to do. She's been very patient and very helpful, she's been an amazing big sister. I just feel like I owe her more for being so accommodating and handling all these new big changes the last few months so well.
Well...mommy duties call ....off  I go.