The other day I was looking at Sullivan as he was sleeping on my arm after an overdue nursing session and thinking to myself " Am I as good of a mom to him as I was to Charleigh at this age?". I know I love him just as much but I often wonder if it's enough because he doesn't get all the long cuddles and snuggles, the undivided attention and the one on one time that Charleigh did. I almost always have to put him down (a little sooner than I'd like) to go help Charleigh do something or stop her from doing something that will result in her hurting herself. Sully does get the benefit of being the second child which I'm coming to realize might make up for not getting some of the things that Charleigh did. Sully gets to have a mom who is fairly confident in her mommy skills. He gets to have a mom that already read all the books on breastfeeding, sleeping and development, but skipped all the books on child birth the second time around..mostly just because I thought there wasn't anything I had missed.
Ironically enough though, I don't even remember what it was like to just have Charleigh and be able to devote all my time to her when she was this young. The first several months of her life were such a sleep deprived and overwhelming saga that even reading back through journals and her baby book I barely remember anything about that time. Everything happens for a reason, but I felt like I was just getting to know her when she was hitting the 4 month mark, where Sully's first few months have been quite the opposite. I feel and have felt much more connected since the first moments with Sully than I ever did with Charleigh at this age. I know this is for many different reasons...but I'm just happy to say that while it didn't happen instantly like it does with some moms and babies, it still happened and Charleigh and I have no permanent relationship scars from those difficult and emotional newborn weeks.
While I knew having a toddler and an infant would be a challenge, I wasn't thinking that the toddler would be the reason it was so challenging. I'm pretty sure I've been up more at night because of her than him....she's determined to hold her spot in the family as the "needy child". Did I create that part of her??...perhaps, but that's a whole other issue.
I guess if I had to make a pro/con list for being first born vs a second child it would probably end up pretty even. Charleigh and Sullivan both got to experience a different version of a mom from day 1. First vs second child, winter vs summer birth, boy vs girl... I guess there really are far to many differences for anything to have really been comparable. When it comes down to it... I love them both more than I'd ever thought possible and that's really all that matters.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Sullivan's BIRTHday, my birthday and some other stuff too
At 40 weeks and 6 days I was scheduled to be induced. Baby Sheppard 2.0 was taking their time making an entrance into this world and the doctor felt it would be best to get things moving. But at 40 weeks and 5.95 days Sullivan decided to come on his own. I began feeling contractions (which I had never really experienced before) at about 1am. Thursday morning. By 1:40 I was waking Dan to let him know and time them. By 3:00 that morning we were walking into Round Rock hospital where I had to stop inside the door to get down on my knees because I was in so much pain. The L&D staff was amazing and efficient. I had my epidural by 4:30 or so and I was already had almost 7cm by the time I got it. It helped slow things down and keep me comfortable while they called my doctor to come in early. I pushed for about an hour and Sullivan Cole was born at 8:16am. Both the doctor and Dan guessed that it was a boy. But neither one thought he'd be the size he was. 8lbs 9oz and 20.5 inches long. My big boy was finally here!!! Such a more natural and enjoyable experience than I had known childbirth to be in the past. By noon that same day my in laws and big sister Charleigh were coming to the hospital to meet the new addition. Unlike my epidural with Charleigh's labor which kept me unable to walk until almost 8 hours after it stopped I was up and walking with in two hours of having Sullivan.
Needless to say I was ready to go home by that same night. The nurses were in and out, the consultants were in and out, the paperwork people were in and out. All I wanted to do was nurse, hold and cuddle my new baby in my own home. We arrived home on Saturday around 1pm and began adjusting to being a family of 4. It's so amazing how this whole other little life comes into a home and just transforms it into this whole new place and the family into this whole new family.
6 days after bringing home our new little baby boy I turned 30!! 30!!! OMG I'm 30!! That seems so old. I remember being a senior in high school thinking that 30 seemed like a lifetime away. But yet, here I am....30 years old. Is my life where I thought it would be?? Not exactly. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and stay home with my children and when they didn't need me during the day return to a part time position that would allow me the freedom to be there for them when they did need me. So check mark on that. I had no idea I'd be living over 1200 miles away from my hometown and family. I had no idea I'd leave a 2nd family of people in Columbus after being there for 8 years. And I for sure had no intention of being in TEXAS of all places. Texas has proven to be what I had read and heard about it so far though. Friendly, laid back, welcoming....clean, green (in the save the earth sense of the word) and HOT. I'm pretty sure this is one of the hottest summers on record and being pregnant for most of it with an energetic toddler has been(was) a challenge. But I do feel very blessed. I have two amazing, adorable, loving children. They are healthy and happy and make me feel like being a mom to them will be the best thing I ever do with my life. I have a husband who has the opportunity to work from home and see and spend time with these amazing children as well. He can join us for meals and doesn't have to spend commute time in a car in traffic instead of with us. He works hard and continues to interview for better and more challenging positions. And though he would say he's only motivated by money I'd like to believe that he does it all for us....the people he loves and supports. So when all is said and done, I may not be exactly where I thought I'd be at 30 years old, but I'm in a pretty darn great place.
Now...for the "other stuff" portion. Everyone tells you that when you have your 2nd child, your heart just grows, your love doubles and you instantly love this 2nd baby just as much as you love your first. Now while I find this to be true, it still been something I've struggled with the last 10 days. I had the last 20 months to devote all my time and attention and most of my energy during the day to Charleigh. We were best buds and we did everything together. I would miss her when I was away from her for even a short time....to go get a pedicure for example. It probably sounds crazy but she just seemed like a part of me. I knew/know her so well and could anticipate her moods and needs. I still feel that way, but the last 10 days (since Sully arrived) I've had a really hard time not being the one to do everything for her. She had her grandparents here and then daddy to help her and do for her, but I just missed being physically able to lift her, hold her, carry her. She's too young to understand why these things hurt mommy right now, or how her little elbows digging into my chest make me flinch with pain at times. I feel like I can't give her the time and attention she needs right now without neglecting my duties as "mommy of newborn". As a breastfeeding mom I find that many many minutes, prolly even hours of time during the day are currently devoted to feeding Sullivan. Charleigh seems to understand that he's eating and usually only tries to kiss him during this time but I feel like I wish I could clone myself and get down on the floor or bring her up on my lap and do the things we used to do. She's been very patient and very helpful, she's been an amazing big sister. I just feel like I owe her more for being so accommodating and handling all these new big changes the last few months so well.
Well...mommy duties call ....off I go.
Needless to say I was ready to go home by that same night. The nurses were in and out, the consultants were in and out, the paperwork people were in and out. All I wanted to do was nurse, hold and cuddle my new baby in my own home. We arrived home on Saturday around 1pm and began adjusting to being a family of 4. It's so amazing how this whole other little life comes into a home and just transforms it into this whole new place and the family into this whole new family.
6 days after bringing home our new little baby boy I turned 30!! 30!!! OMG I'm 30!! That seems so old. I remember being a senior in high school thinking that 30 seemed like a lifetime away. But yet, here I am....30 years old. Is my life where I thought it would be?? Not exactly. I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and stay home with my children and when they didn't need me during the day return to a part time position that would allow me the freedom to be there for them when they did need me. So check mark on that. I had no idea I'd be living over 1200 miles away from my hometown and family. I had no idea I'd leave a 2nd family of people in Columbus after being there for 8 years. And I for sure had no intention of being in TEXAS of all places. Texas has proven to be what I had read and heard about it so far though. Friendly, laid back, welcoming....clean, green (in the save the earth sense of the word) and HOT. I'm pretty sure this is one of the hottest summers on record and being pregnant for most of it with an energetic toddler has been(was) a challenge. But I do feel very blessed. I have two amazing, adorable, loving children. They are healthy and happy and make me feel like being a mom to them will be the best thing I ever do with my life. I have a husband who has the opportunity to work from home and see and spend time with these amazing children as well. He can join us for meals and doesn't have to spend commute time in a car in traffic instead of with us. He works hard and continues to interview for better and more challenging positions. And though he would say he's only motivated by money I'd like to believe that he does it all for us....the people he loves and supports. So when all is said and done, I may not be exactly where I thought I'd be at 30 years old, but I'm in a pretty darn great place.
Now...for the "other stuff" portion. Everyone tells you that when you have your 2nd child, your heart just grows, your love doubles and you instantly love this 2nd baby just as much as you love your first. Now while I find this to be true, it still been something I've struggled with the last 10 days. I had the last 20 months to devote all my time and attention and most of my energy during the day to Charleigh. We were best buds and we did everything together. I would miss her when I was away from her for even a short time....to go get a pedicure for example. It probably sounds crazy but she just seemed like a part of me. I knew/know her so well and could anticipate her moods and needs. I still feel that way, but the last 10 days (since Sully arrived) I've had a really hard time not being the one to do everything for her. She had her grandparents here and then daddy to help her and do for her, but I just missed being physically able to lift her, hold her, carry her. She's too young to understand why these things hurt mommy right now, or how her little elbows digging into my chest make me flinch with pain at times. I feel like I can't give her the time and attention she needs right now without neglecting my duties as "mommy of newborn". As a breastfeeding mom I find that many many minutes, prolly even hours of time during the day are currently devoted to feeding Sullivan. Charleigh seems to understand that he's eating and usually only tries to kiss him during this time but I feel like I wish I could clone myself and get down on the floor or bring her up on my lap and do the things we used to do. She's been very patient and very helpful, she's been an amazing big sister. I just feel like I owe her more for being so accommodating and handling all these new big changes the last few months so well.
Well...mommy duties call ....off I go.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
We've moved...to Pflugerville.
I should start off this post by saying that I was very hesitant to be moving over 1000 miles away at almost 8 months pregnant. But from the very beginning Dan has done almost everything to make this move as easy as possible for me. (and Charleigh too). I did what I could-- but with a toddler to care for and entertain there wasn't much time or energy left to do much else. I made some phone calls, packed a few boxes, but Dan did everything else. Not that I had any doubts, but I can now see why he is so successful at his career. He basically looked at our families move to another state (that I had never even visited) as a "project". Being a project manager everything has logical steps and would come together perfectly in his eyes.
So after about a week of staying in Elyria with my parents while our belongings were on their way to Texas, my mom, Charleigh and I flew into Texas on Sunday June 5th. Charleigh's room was all set up and she seemed to barely notice that she hadn't been in Columbus for many days. She's been running around the house and in her new backyard non-stop. She seems to love the new house, the new rooms, and all the new things to look at in her backyard. I was sooooo worried about her reaction and transition to this move. I wanted to make sure she felt comfortable and happy about the changes. I wanted to make sure that she felt settled before we bring home a new sibling for her in a few weeks. Everyone told me not to worry, but I couldn't stop thinking about all the difficulties we might encounter. I'm happy to say however that she was an excellent traveler from the time we left Columbus (through our time in Elyria) and all the way until we landed in Austin.
Now it's Texas, in June...and I'm 34 weeks pregnant....I forgot how hard it was to be this pregnant....and now I'm doing it in Texas heat, with a toddler who has a ton of energy and doesn't seem to notice the almost 100 degree temperatures. This week has proven very tiring and challenging. Dan has been home with us (which wasn't originally planned) so I'm kind of afraid what the next few weeks will be like as Charleigh and I will be alone during the days while he's at work.
I've already joined some mom groups and have set us up for a couple activities this week in hopes of making some new friends for both Charleigh and I . We live in a great, quiet and mature neighborhood. We have noticed however that many of our neighbors are retired and older and seem to be excited to have a new young growing family in the area.
I'm really happy with our house, which Dan and I were both really worried about because we bought this house after only seeing it online. We had a very helpful realtor but nothing is the same as walking into a house and getting that "this is the one" feeling. I do have that feeling so far though....and can see us growing into this house over the years.
Having said all that...it's time for bed. I can't seem to get enough rest these days...
It's only 8:50pm....and it's still 99 degrees outside. One of the biggest surprises about Texas so far....while it is VERY HOT, it's not been humid. I think Ohio weather was more miserable in the summer than it's been here. There is a great breeze almost all the time which has made the intense heat just a little more tolerable.
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and encouragement.
Goodnight!!
So after about a week of staying in Elyria with my parents while our belongings were on their way to Texas, my mom, Charleigh and I flew into Texas on Sunday June 5th. Charleigh's room was all set up and she seemed to barely notice that she hadn't been in Columbus for many days. She's been running around the house and in her new backyard non-stop. She seems to love the new house, the new rooms, and all the new things to look at in her backyard. I was sooooo worried about her reaction and transition to this move. I wanted to make sure she felt comfortable and happy about the changes. I wanted to make sure that she felt settled before we bring home a new sibling for her in a few weeks. Everyone told me not to worry, but I couldn't stop thinking about all the difficulties we might encounter. I'm happy to say however that she was an excellent traveler from the time we left Columbus (through our time in Elyria) and all the way until we landed in Austin.
Now it's Texas, in June...and I'm 34 weeks pregnant....I forgot how hard it was to be this pregnant....and now I'm doing it in Texas heat, with a toddler who has a ton of energy and doesn't seem to notice the almost 100 degree temperatures. This week has proven very tiring and challenging. Dan has been home with us (which wasn't originally planned) so I'm kind of afraid what the next few weeks will be like as Charleigh and I will be alone during the days while he's at work.
I've already joined some mom groups and have set us up for a couple activities this week in hopes of making some new friends for both Charleigh and I . We live in a great, quiet and mature neighborhood. We have noticed however that many of our neighbors are retired and older and seem to be excited to have a new young growing family in the area.
I'm really happy with our house, which Dan and I were both really worried about because we bought this house after only seeing it online. We had a very helpful realtor but nothing is the same as walking into a house and getting that "this is the one" feeling. I do have that feeling so far though....and can see us growing into this house over the years.
Having said all that...it's time for bed. I can't seem to get enough rest these days...
It's only 8:50pm....and it's still 99 degrees outside. One of the biggest surprises about Texas so far....while it is VERY HOT, it's not been humid. I think Ohio weather was more miserable in the summer than it's been here. There is a great breeze almost all the time which has made the intense heat just a little more tolerable.
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and encouragement.
Goodnight!!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
It's official!!!
It's official!!! We're moving to Texas. Dan was offered a job at DELL and we have had an offer accepted on the house we really like. So now...as we prepare to move I feel like I have so much more to think about than I ever thought I would. Besides the logistics of the actual move like moving our stuff, moving our cars, getting Charleigh and I down there the least difficult way possible, being 31 weeks pregnant...etc,I am probably most worried about how it will affect her. Luckily my project manager husband is looking at this move like a project ( very small project compared to the other projects he's managed) and is taking a lot of the stressful decisions away from me. This has given me the ability to worry most about Charleigh and her reaction to everything. She'll be too young to remember living here but also too young to understand why we've moved. I just keep telling myself that as long as her momma and dada are there along with her dog and her toys, she should be a happy girl. We'll leave our house, go to my parents while our stuff is en route to Texas and then arrive the day after our stuff does down there. I can't seem to think of a way to make sure she realizes that we need to say goodbye to our house, yard, and neighborhood because we wont be back, but that it's okay. I think I'm so concerned because I want her to feel settled and comfortable in her new home before we flip her world upside down again in July and bring home a sibling for her. Maybe the new addition will make it feel more like home, at least that's what I am hoping. I'm hoping she will like her new room, spend time exploring the new house, be thrilled with her new big play area, and her new backyard. I'm also hoping we make new friends quickly so that we can be out and about which is how Charleigh seems to be happiest.
I think I need to let my anxiety turn into excitement and accept this new chapter of our lives. Just wish I could turn off my "worry wart" syndrome. :-(
I think I need to let my anxiety turn into excitement and accept this new chapter of our lives. Just wish I could turn off my "worry wart" syndrome. :-(
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Another milestone
Charleigh will be 17 months old tomorrow. So I knew that it was well past the time when she should have given up the bottle. Even though she has only been getting one only at night for quite a few weeks now, I knew the night time one would be the hardest for her to let go of. It surprised me how dependent she had become on the bottle for sleep time because for the first 10 months she was almost exclusively breastfed and pretty much rejected any and all bottles. (we bougtht several different kinds). But as it was, she had come to know that when one of us came in with the bottle after stories it was going to be time to go to sleep. I realize this is a big milestone for many babies/toddlers. I had spent the first 10 months of her life thinking that it wouldn't be a challenge for us since she was so resistant to even taking a bottle. Unfortunately once she started biting me and seemed unable to figure out a way to breastfeed without biting she quickly adapted to a bottle. And so the trouble began.
As I sit here, I'm waiting the negotiated 10 mins before I go in and try to console her. She's crying...mostly the " I want someone to come in here with what I want" cry, but it's obviously fake and forced. It still breaks my heart. Last night was the first night of changing the bottle out for a sippy cup. She drinks the sippy cup no problem while being read her story but wants no part of it coming into her room with her. Yesterday had went very smoothly, but yesterday she had been what we call "just tired enough" to want to sleep more than arguing for a bottle. There are times when she's not quite ready for bed and there are the times when she's overly tired. Both of which make for a difficult bedtime.
I should have prefaced this whole posting with the fact that she's never been a great sleeper. She's always been what they call a " high need baby" and needed one or two or three "sleep crutches" to help her get to sleep. Slowly but surely we've slowly broken her of each one. She was also the child who was up every 2-3 hours without fail until about the 10 month mark. (Here's to hoping that 2.0 is much less needy in that department).
I know in a couple weeks this will be yet another milestone that I read over when I'm updating her baby book. But tonight it seems like such a tough thing for such a little person to go though. :-(
Let me just say how happy, elated and thrilled I am that she NEVER took to a pacifier!!
That's one milestone we don't have to worry about!
As I sit here, I'm waiting the negotiated 10 mins before I go in and try to console her. She's crying...mostly the " I want someone to come in here with what I want" cry, but it's obviously fake and forced. It still breaks my heart. Last night was the first night of changing the bottle out for a sippy cup. She drinks the sippy cup no problem while being read her story but wants no part of it coming into her room with her. Yesterday had went very smoothly, but yesterday she had been what we call "just tired enough" to want to sleep more than arguing for a bottle. There are times when she's not quite ready for bed and there are the times when she's overly tired. Both of which make for a difficult bedtime.
I should have prefaced this whole posting with the fact that she's never been a great sleeper. She's always been what they call a " high need baby" and needed one or two or three "sleep crutches" to help her get to sleep. Slowly but surely we've slowly broken her of each one. She was also the child who was up every 2-3 hours without fail until about the 10 month mark. (Here's to hoping that 2.0 is much less needy in that department).
I know in a couple weeks this will be yet another milestone that I read over when I'm updating her baby book. But tonight it seems like such a tough thing for such a little person to go though. :-(
Let me just say how happy, elated and thrilled I am that she NEVER took to a pacifier!!
That's one milestone we don't have to worry about!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Selling the house
In Feb 2008 Dan and I closed on our current home. We were lucky enough to have until April to get things ready at the new house before actually moving in. We had time to paint, lay new carpet, install new appliances, and clean. It was nice to move in and feel like we really had time to put everything together. So now as we put the house up for sale I'm wondering if we'll ever have that opportunity again. Not only do we plan to make a move over hundreds of miles but there is even a chance that I won't see this new house in person until the day I move in. That fact feels both exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. During our move into this house we had a 13 week old puppy that made things slightly more complicated. I am very worried about how I'll get a house prepared to live in with an almost 2 yr old and a newborn. I have a feeling we'll be living out of boxes for longer than I want to admit. I HATE THAT THOUGHT!! I'm the type who can't relax once I get home from somewhere until I unpack, sort the laundry, put stuff away and regroup for being home.
We've put a sign in our yard, emailed some realtors, made a facebook page, posted it on craigslist and on several FSBO websites. We've had one showing in this two week period. And we have another realtor coming out Monday night to check the place out. While I realize everything can't happen at the exact same time I'm trying to figure out how we'll move, find a new house, Dan will find a job, and we'll have a baby during all of this?!?!?!
I'd be happy to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience and had this all work out.
We've put a sign in our yard, emailed some realtors, made a facebook page, posted it on craigslist and on several FSBO websites. We've had one showing in this two week period. And we have another realtor coming out Monday night to check the place out. While I realize everything can't happen at the exact same time I'm trying to figure out how we'll move, find a new house, Dan will find a job, and we'll have a baby during all of this?!?!?!
I'd be happy to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience and had this all work out.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Round 2
When I found out I was pregnant with the little baby that would become Charleigh I felt lots of emotions. First I was excited, then worried, then overwhelmed. I wanted to make sure I ate the right foods, took the right medicines and took care of myself the best I could. I worried about whether or not I'd be a good mom, if I'd know what to do for her, what her cries meant, when to react and when to let her figure something out with a little patience. Now that she's 16 months old I realize that I am still learning everyday how to be a good mother to her. Ironically though, it doesn't seem to calm my fears about being a good mother to whom we're referring to as 2.0. (it's going to be a surprise again). While some of the "first time mom" fears aren't there, there seem to be just as many this time around. Will this child react to me the way Charleigh does? Will I compare this baby to Charleigh?? Will I have enough time to feel as though I can love and care for both kids in equal amounts?
Everyone who has more than one child has told me that the love just multiplies. They say that you'll love each child in different ways for different reasons and that while the love may be different it will always be special and equal. While I believe these statements, it's hard to even fathom having the amount of love for another child that I currently have for Charleigh.
My start to stay-at-home motherhood wasn't the easiest. I always LOVED her, but I didn't have that immediate connection that so many mothers speak of with their child. Yet somehow I feel like that rough start has made our mother-daughter relationship EVEN stronger now because I can remember and look back at how she almost SHOCKED me into motherhood. In addition to my somewhat common post partum issues I also dealt with a lack of socialization that I wasn't prepared for. I had enjoyed my previous job, talking with coworkers and students on a daily basis. Charleigh was cute but she was anything but a conversationalist. I had no stay-at-home mom friends to spend time with or talk to. I actually didn't meet ANY of the wonderful mommies I know now until Charleigh was almost 7 months old. Don't get me wrong, I knew plenty of women (coworkers and friends) that were moms, but they weren't stay-at-home moms who were available during the day when I needed some moments of sanity and support. I am confident that specific hurdle will not be there this time as both Charleigh and I have developed some great relationships with mommies and babies/toddlers to help us get through those first few weeks of having a new baby in our lives. But I am realistic to realize that while that difficulty may not be there, there will more than likely be a new one in its place.
As I think about what some of those future struggles may be I realize that they will ultimately be some of the most worth while challenges I will face as a mother and person. Even though some days are very tiring and trying I know that I am very lucky to get to stay at home with me child (soon to be children). I know that my kids need ME as their mom and I believe I am the best person they can have to spend their days with. To teach them, encourage them, discipline them and LOVE them. More importantly I realize that while I may not get to/need to buy new shoes or new clothes all the time for example (something I used to enjoy) I get to spend the some of the most formative and influential years getting to know and helping to mold a little life. Almost everyday something happens between Charleigh and I and I think to myself " I'm so happy that I get to be the one to share this with her, I can't imagine someone else being the one to experience this". I know the days are numbered that she will want or need me in her life in this capacity and I want to know that I got the most of these times. I want to be able to look back and pictures with her ( since I take hundreds) and tell her about how she was at a certain age, or the silly things she did, or the fun things we did together. I want Charleigh and her sibling to know that their daddy worked hard, pretty much from the moment I met him, to ensure that he would be an amazing provider and allow for the mother of his children to be there to share their days with them. I want them to know that while mommy did have a very different life before they were born, that staying at home with them was a choice I made and continued to make everyday out of love and dedication to them and a strong family.
So as Round 2 approaches I'm trying to rest up, strengthen myself (emotionally and mentally) and prepare for all the unpredictable blows that will come with a newborn and a 20 month old filling my days.
Everyone who has more than one child has told me that the love just multiplies. They say that you'll love each child in different ways for different reasons and that while the love may be different it will always be special and equal. While I believe these statements, it's hard to even fathom having the amount of love for another child that I currently have for Charleigh.
My start to stay-at-home motherhood wasn't the easiest. I always LOVED her, but I didn't have that immediate connection that so many mothers speak of with their child. Yet somehow I feel like that rough start has made our mother-daughter relationship EVEN stronger now because I can remember and look back at how she almost SHOCKED me into motherhood. In addition to my somewhat common post partum issues I also dealt with a lack of socialization that I wasn't prepared for. I had enjoyed my previous job, talking with coworkers and students on a daily basis. Charleigh was cute but she was anything but a conversationalist. I had no stay-at-home mom friends to spend time with or talk to. I actually didn't meet ANY of the wonderful mommies I know now until Charleigh was almost 7 months old. Don't get me wrong, I knew plenty of women (coworkers and friends) that were moms, but they weren't stay-at-home moms who were available during the day when I needed some moments of sanity and support. I am confident that specific hurdle will not be there this time as both Charleigh and I have developed some great relationships with mommies and babies/toddlers to help us get through those first few weeks of having a new baby in our lives. But I am realistic to realize that while that difficulty may not be there, there will more than likely be a new one in its place.
As I think about what some of those future struggles may be I realize that they will ultimately be some of the most worth while challenges I will face as a mother and person. Even though some days are very tiring and trying I know that I am very lucky to get to stay at home with me child (soon to be children). I know that my kids need ME as their mom and I believe I am the best person they can have to spend their days with. To teach them, encourage them, discipline them and LOVE them. More importantly I realize that while I may not get to/need to buy new shoes or new clothes all the time for example (something I used to enjoy) I get to spend the some of the most formative and influential years getting to know and helping to mold a little life. Almost everyday something happens between Charleigh and I and I think to myself " I'm so happy that I get to be the one to share this with her, I can't imagine someone else being the one to experience this". I know the days are numbered that she will want or need me in her life in this capacity and I want to know that I got the most of these times. I want to be able to look back and pictures with her ( since I take hundreds) and tell her about how she was at a certain age, or the silly things she did, or the fun things we did together. I want Charleigh and her sibling to know that their daddy worked hard, pretty much from the moment I met him, to ensure that he would be an amazing provider and allow for the mother of his children to be there to share their days with them. I want them to know that while mommy did have a very different life before they were born, that staying at home with them was a choice I made and continued to make everyday out of love and dedication to them and a strong family.
So as Round 2 approaches I'm trying to rest up, strengthen myself (emotionally and mentally) and prepare for all the unpredictable blows that will come with a newborn and a 20 month old filling my days.
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